“Hey Carducci! You gotta come over here, T.J. was trying to teach that girl that he always dances with how to skateboard and she just nose dived into the gravel!”
The time was midday. The place was some obscure church in Front Royal, VA. Me and many of my friends from Christendom College had gone to a big Christian festival. As I was telling Carducci the funny thing I had just seen (which strangely resembled a part out of Matt’s movie), we heard shouts from the police. Carducci and I went over to check out what all the commotion was about. Last we had known, there was no reason for the police to be there. As we approached, we discovered that the girl T.J. was trying to teach to skateboard had just DIED! Oh goodness. Let me tell you, I felt pretty bad. As the police chief was trying to get information out of people, her body disappeared. The area around her had been completely clear and there was no way anyone could have taken her. The police chief began to get very angry and started shouting at people.
It was at this time that Carducci and I decided that maybe it would be better if we put some distance between us and the scene of the crime. I was wide eyed in fear and was on the verge of panicking. Carducci was so kind as to calm me down by teasing me. (What a friend.) She continued to rail on me for being a sissy until a shout went through the crowd saying that the Front Royal Snipers had been called in. At which point, she fainted. (Harrumph!) I, and many other people, realized that this would be a good time to leave. Unfortunately, the police chief found this to be the opportune time to lock and guard all the doors. Fire escape. Of course!
So I picked Carducci up and carried her much like a mother (or father) carries a new born. As I neared the exit, I saw Claire collapsed on the floor. (Must I carry EVERYONE?) So I picked her up, also. But I found great difficulty in carrying both Carducci and Claire at the same time. Luckily, Thomas Francis happened by. So I gave Claire to him. Shortly there after Carducci woke up and gave my poor tired arms a break. But the break was momentary, for we found Ryan collapsed on the floor. So I picked him up and began carrying him. Though I found it was much easier to carry Carducci. As I was about to drop him and leave him for lost, we reached the fire exit and I gladly handed him off to Thomas Hambilton, who was helping everyone down the fire escape. He promptly threw him over the side. (This would be a good point to mention we were on the 4th story.)
“Oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH!! RYAN! YOU JUST KILLED RYAN!! OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!!” To this, Thomas merely shrugged. I ran down screaming knowing that my poor friend Ryan was now dead. When I reached the bottom I began sobbing for poor dead Ryan. A girl came up to me and told me whenever she finds someone who is having a problem, she gives them the name and number of her mother. So she gave it to me and told me she’d pray for my poor dead friend.
I stood up and realized that everyone was out, well everyone I knew, and they were all going some where. So I grabbed Ryan and began to follow. It was still difficult to carry the guy, but I felt bad for him, because he was dead. It was a good thing that carried him, because it turns out he wasn’t dead. (And there was much rejoicing.) So he got up and left without so much as a thanks for lugging his poor unconscious body around. It was at that point that we all realized that the snipers were coming outside and we were supposed to be inside. (Making snipers made is not a good idea.) So a bunch of people hid in this abandoned green house, while the rest of us hid outside. Sam was one of the ones in the green house. He gave me a look, like, “Ha ha, I’m on a bench and you’re lying in the dirt.” So I gave him one back saying, “Ha ha, you’re in plain sight and I’m hidden.” Silly Southerners. Eventually the snipers went back inside. (Probably to eat donuts.) We all formed a large group to try to decide what to do.
“Hey! Listen up everyone!” Yes, my poor, once dead, friend Ryan has decided to take over the group of persecuted Christians.
“Okay, we all need to leave here in very small groups, otherwise it will be suspicious. But we will all meet at this one river in Illinois. I’m not sure what river yet, but I’ll tell you when I get there. Never mind! I can’t because my stupid cell phone is out of battery!” Ryan is now yelling as he throws his phone at the ground in a temper tantrum. The funny thing is, I noticed as it bounced by me, that it was actually Carducci’s cell phone. Whatever. Then Ryan went and sulked.
I decided maybe it would be better to look for leadership somewhere else. I looked for Sam (why Sam?) but couldn’t find him anywhere. Everyone was milling around and there was basically general confusion. Eventually I found Sean, Matt, and Peachy inside the church, which looked strangely like the rotunda in the new library. They were discussing where we should go. My first suggestion was to the home of the girl who had conveniently given me her phone number.
“I can call her being my cell phone still works.” Okay, maybe I was a bit bitter about Ryan not bothering to thank me for dragging his poor unconscious body all over God’s green earth. Unfortunately, I had lost the phone number in the confusion. Dag! So we began contemplating other places to go. I suggested Laura Serafin’s house. It was shot down not for the inconvenience of getting there, but because we didn’t want to put her mother in danger. I suggested going to South Dakota and we were all up for it, until Peachy pointed out that it was twenty four hours away by car and we needed to be back for class on Monday. While we were deliberating, the snipers came back. We made a trench out of mattresses and hid and prayed like we’ve never prayed before.
“Jenne, good grief! You look like someone’s about to shoot you. Calm down, it’s no big deal.” Ah, Matt. What can I say, snipers have guns pointed at us and he’s making fun of me because I’m a bit nervous.
“Ha, ha, you’re right. She looks like she’s trying to be one with the ground or something!” And the stupidity continues with Sean. I love my friends. I told both of them to shut up and that we were going to attract the attention of the snipers. I lay on the ground with my eyes squeezed shut. I can just feel the bullet entering my spinal column. I look up and see a sniper coming towards me. He raises his gun and…
I’m walking into the school kitchen a little confused as to how I got there. I have the distance feeling that someone’s chasing me. I began talking to some of the work study students in the kitchen, trying to figure out what has happened. They don’t give me any information, but do put me to work. Ah, work study students. As I’m working, Sam walks by.
“Sam! Sam what happened?! Where is everyone? How did you escape?” I’m not often aware of the level of my voice, and maybe this was one of those times that I should have. Sam promptly shushed me and told me he had no idea what I was talking about, as only Sam can.
Later on, I was walking back to my dorm, I heard a whistle. Then another. Then another. I turned around and Sam was behind me. He nodded to a strange man walking near us in a long green velvet trench coat. He mouthed “One of them.” to me. I realized that this was not over.
RIIIIIINNNNGGGGG!!! My alarm went off and I realized I was in my bed in Campion and it was time for me to go to my logic class. Weird.
All I have to say is, maybe I shouldn't have eaten those two day old Wendy's french fries right before I took my nap today.